My Physical Condition

My current physical symptoms are primarily tightness and discomfort in my abdomen due to the excessive build-up of fluid in that area. This results in pressure on my stomach and limits my capacity to ingest food. Therefore, most days I can only eat a few bites of a meal, before I feel miserably "stuffed." So, I have to eat multiple small meals or snacks throughout the day. In addition, I drink an occasional can of Gleucerna (like Insure, but designed for diabetics) to insure that I get needed nutrients.

Long before my diagnosis of cancer, I was having frequent, often constant pain in the left side of my abdomen. It began the day after I had had a colonoscopy on May 3, last year. That particular source of pain has persisted in varying degrees until around March 22, this year. The last 2 or 3 weeks before it subsided, the pain grew in intensity, to the point that it was the main source of my discomfort. It is now gone. Praise the Lord!

Is there a medical explanation for that pain to have gone away? Maybe. But, I do know that my wife (Schelia), during those last 2 or 3 weeks that it grew in intensity, when asked how I was doing, would share with our church folks that I was having an issue with that particular painful area. I was informed frequently that the people were praying that the Lord would take the pain away, and He did!

That experience makes me wonder if the Lord desires that we be more specific in some circumstances, regarding our petitions that we bring before Him. If that is the case, then my prayer need, for the moment, is that the Lord would cause the excessive fluid build-up and tumors in my abdomen to dissipate, in addition to the cessation of the pancreatic tumor and ultimately, every trace of the cancer.

Since I have chosen not to take anymore chemotherapy, the V.A. doctor that released me, strongly recommended that I begin a relationship with Home Hospice, even though I am not yet confined to my home or bed. So, that process was started to weeks ago. They will monitor my progress and prescribe pain control medications, as needed.

Honestly, I don't know what the future holds. Many have told me that the Lord has impressed them that I am going to be healed. If He does heal me, then, Praise the Lord! If He chooses not to heal me, then, Praise the Lord anyway! He holds the future in His hands. I'm trusting Him to work all this together for everyones' good and for His glory. (Romans 8:28) Above all, I desire that hearts and lives will be touched and/or changed for the glory of the Lord, as a result of this trial, so as by fire.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire , might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:" (1 Pter 1:7, KJV)

Medical Update, Mar. 12, 2009

This past Tuesday, the 10th, I went back to the VA for my weekly chemotherapy treatment, to be administered if my blood platelet count was high enough. I was able to see the doctor and get the results on the CT scan that I had had on the 25th of February. The report was not good. In the two weeks between the PET scan (which was good) and the CT scan, the cancer had spread into my abdomen, creating multiple tumors (the largest being about one inch in diameter). The doctor said, "Since the cancer is not responding to the current chemotherapy, there is no reason to continue the therapy." He offered me a "last resort," chemotherapy, using pills (4 in the morning, three at evening). Other than that, he said nothing more could be done. I agreed to try the pills, picked up the prescription, and headed home, planning to take the first dose on Wednesday morning.

Before taking the pills I read the paperwork, listing the various side-effects that I could have to deal with. The side-effects consisted of swollen feet and hands, accompanied by sores and blisters, nausea, vomiting, headaches, backache, tenderness of feet (limiting walking), loss of hair, diarrhea, bloody stool, etc.

Currently, apart from the side affects of the chemo that I've been taking, I'm in reasonably good health. I don't know how long it will last, but I've decided that since the medical community has no cure for the disease, if it is God's time for me to go, I'd rather have quality of life that is short, than quantity of life consisting of agony and suffering. So, I've opted out of any further chemotherapy treatments. They've done all they can do with radiation therapy. Surgery is not possible. Therefore, the trust and dependance for healing is now fully in the Lord's hands, if it is His will. To God be the glory, whatever outcome He chooses!

"To me remains nor place, nor time:

My country is in every clime;

I can be calm and free from care

On any shore, since God is there.

While place we seek, or place we shun,

The soul finds happiness in none:

But with a God to guide our way,

'Tis equal joy to go or stay."

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

The Lord is my shepherd ; I shall not want. (Ps. 23:1, KJV)

Medical Update, Feb. 6, 2009

Good news! I went to the V.A. hospital, this morning, for a followup on the PET scan I had done, this past Monday. The tumor is still localized, i.e., it hasn't spread to any other part of my body. The report says that it has "responded to treatment" and is not as inflamed as it was previously. They are not able to measure the size of the tumor with a PET scan. That will be done within the next month, or so, via a CT scan. The doctor was very pleased with the report, overall.

Beginning, Tuesday, the 10th, I'll begin a one day per week regimen of chemotherapy, again. They'll administer the drug for three consecutive weeks, I'll skip the 4th week, and then start three more weeks of treatment. I'm supposed to continue through that cycle for the next six months, as long as my blood platelet count doesn't get too low.

I'm having some issues with my digestive tract. It seems to be largely associated with the particular foods that I eat. But, it's tolerable, and seems to be improving as time passes. Most days, now, I feel pretty close to normal. I'm beginning to be able to rest more comfortably at night, as well.

Everyone has been so loving and encouraging. I know the prayers of the saints have made a significant difference in the way things have gone. The doctor in Dallas told me, back in November, that I wasn't a "normal patient." He said most patients with my diagnosis would be on their death bed. The Lord has been gracious and merciful. His people have overwhelmed me with an outpouring of love and encouragement. Thank you, all.

Medical Update, Dec. 31, 2008

Well, today, I complete my 28 treatments of radiation therapy and head for home! I was only able to take two of the chemotherapy treatments (called, 5fu) due to my blood platelet count dropping too low. I am supposed to take approximately six weeks off, now, to recuperate and build up my blood, then return for additioanal chemotherapay (gemcitobene), one treatment per week for several consecutive weeks. February 3rd, I return for a petscan to check the status of the pancreatic tumor and to see whether or not it has matasticized (spread to any other part of my body).

My plan is to return back to work. I hope to have opportunities to preach and to share my testimony, wherever the Lord may lead.I feel good, almost normal, except for the nauseating effects of the radiation. However, I'm taking medication that counteracts that, most of the time.

I truly believe prayer has made a significant difference in dealing with my circumstances. Whether my time is short or, by the grace of God, should be extended for an indefinite time, I will never be the same, again. This has truly been a life-changing experience.

I'm sure it's selfish on my part, but, I do hope that He might see fit to extend my life beyond the doctor's prediction of six to twelve months, so that I can have opportunities to glorify and lift up His name. Of course, it would be such a blessing to see my grandchildren grow up and become people of integrity whose lives would point others to Jesus, forgiveness of sins, through His name, and eternal life.

I once prayed to God, and said, "Lord, I want to see your glory." His response, by that still small voice from within was, "John, it will cost you." I feared that it could be something as major as the loss of one of my children or my wife, and the thought made me shudder. But, since I have been diagnosed with this condition, I have seen more of the Lord's glory than all the years previous, combined. His glory has been revealed to me through the hearts and lives of His people, as so many of them have shown me compassion, through prayer, encouraging words, helping hands, benevolence, cards, letters, phone messages, etc, etc; so many, that I could not begin to thank each one by name. Many have remained nameless. Many are total strangers.

I can truly thank God for having allowed me to experience this trial of life. He has not failed me. He has been faithful. He has been with me, through it all. Praise the Lord! His grace is sufficient!

My heart hurts for those who do not yet know the peace that passeth all understanding; knowing that God is on the throne. He is completely in control of our circumstances. He knows what He is doing. I trust Him. Therefore, I can be at rest (peace) in Him, through His son, Jesus Christ! For, I know, He knows what is best for me, and those that I love!

Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved. (Acts 4:12, KJV)

Study To Show Thyself Approved Unto God...(2 Tim. 2:15)

The time away from home, work, family, and friends is not fun; however, to a degree, its almost like being on a sabbatical. I have time to read God’s Word in depth, contemplate it, pray over it and, as a result, in many cases, reach a new level of understanding. I am more and more convinced that the Lord is sorely disappointed with our having knowledge of His word, and yet, so often failing to "live it out" in our daily lives. To be content with being a mediocre Christian is to be powerless and ineffective for the work of Christ in the spiritual realm. I pray that the Lord will forgive me for my mediocrity. I also pray that the wake-up call, to me, is not too late.

Two good friends have given me books relating to the Word that I find both intriguing and thought provoking. Thank you!

John 14:17-26 (Note: These words from Jesus' prayer are not intended only for the disciples, but for every believer.)
14 I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15 I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19 And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
24 Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.
25 O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.
26 And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them. (KJV)

Thursday, Dec. 04, 2008: Medical Update

I went for chemotherapy, this morning; however, my blood platelet count (clotting ability) was too low, due to the effects of the combined chemo and radiation treatments. So, chemotherapy has been put on hold until Thursday next week, at which time they will see if my platelet count is back up enough to resume treatment. I don't know how this may affect the original finish date for my treatments. I was scheduled to finish on December 30, with weekends and one day for Christmas, off.

Radiation therapy went well. I continue to feel reasonably well, in spite of minor abdominal pain from time to time and some difficulty being able to sleep comfortably on my back, at night. We'll just continue to trust the Great Physician to work things out for our good and His glory!

Wednesday, Dec. 03, 2008: Medical Update

This morning, I had my 10th of 28 radiation treatments. The radiation oncology doctor tells me that, regardless of the effectiveness of these treatments, there won’t be anymore due to the sensitive location of the tumor, among vital organs. He said, even using the best treatment plan he can devise, one of my kidneys is still having to be hit with the
x-rays. The good news is that I have a second kidney that can compensate for any reduced functionality of the other. Most days I experience some pain for a few hours following each treatment; however, it’s not major.

Tomorrow, Thursday, I’ll have the 3rd weekly chemotherapy treatment. The doctors have been warning me of impending nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea that is likely to occur, and gave me medications to counteract those issues, if they occur. Thankfully, the ill side effects have been at a bare minimum, almost nil!