Medical Update, Dec. 31, 2008

Well, today, I complete my 28 treatments of radiation therapy and head for home! I was only able to take two of the chemotherapy treatments (called, 5fu) due to my blood platelet count dropping too low. I am supposed to take approximately six weeks off, now, to recuperate and build up my blood, then return for additioanal chemotherapay (gemcitobene), one treatment per week for several consecutive weeks. February 3rd, I return for a petscan to check the status of the pancreatic tumor and to see whether or not it has matasticized (spread to any other part of my body).

My plan is to return back to work. I hope to have opportunities to preach and to share my testimony, wherever the Lord may lead.I feel good, almost normal, except for the nauseating effects of the radiation. However, I'm taking medication that counteracts that, most of the time.

I truly believe prayer has made a significant difference in dealing with my circumstances. Whether my time is short or, by the grace of God, should be extended for an indefinite time, I will never be the same, again. This has truly been a life-changing experience.

I'm sure it's selfish on my part, but, I do hope that He might see fit to extend my life beyond the doctor's prediction of six to twelve months, so that I can have opportunities to glorify and lift up His name. Of course, it would be such a blessing to see my grandchildren grow up and become people of integrity whose lives would point others to Jesus, forgiveness of sins, through His name, and eternal life.

I once prayed to God, and said, "Lord, I want to see your glory." His response, by that still small voice from within was, "John, it will cost you." I feared that it could be something as major as the loss of one of my children or my wife, and the thought made me shudder. But, since I have been diagnosed with this condition, I have seen more of the Lord's glory than all the years previous, combined. His glory has been revealed to me through the hearts and lives of His people, as so many of them have shown me compassion, through prayer, encouraging words, helping hands, benevolence, cards, letters, phone messages, etc, etc; so many, that I could not begin to thank each one by name. Many have remained nameless. Many are total strangers.

I can truly thank God for having allowed me to experience this trial of life. He has not failed me. He has been faithful. He has been with me, through it all. Praise the Lord! His grace is sufficient!

My heart hurts for those who do not yet know the peace that passeth all understanding; knowing that God is on the throne. He is completely in control of our circumstances. He knows what He is doing. I trust Him. Therefore, I can be at rest (peace) in Him, through His son, Jesus Christ! For, I know, He knows what is best for me, and those that I love!

Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved. (Acts 4:12, KJV)

Study To Show Thyself Approved Unto God...(2 Tim. 2:15)

The time away from home, work, family, and friends is not fun; however, to a degree, its almost like being on a sabbatical. I have time to read God’s Word in depth, contemplate it, pray over it and, as a result, in many cases, reach a new level of understanding. I am more and more convinced that the Lord is sorely disappointed with our having knowledge of His word, and yet, so often failing to "live it out" in our daily lives. To be content with being a mediocre Christian is to be powerless and ineffective for the work of Christ in the spiritual realm. I pray that the Lord will forgive me for my mediocrity. I also pray that the wake-up call, to me, is not too late.

Two good friends have given me books relating to the Word that I find both intriguing and thought provoking. Thank you!

John 14:17-26 (Note: These words from Jesus' prayer are not intended only for the disciples, but for every believer.)
14 I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15 I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19 And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
24 Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.
25 O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.
26 And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them. (KJV)

Thursday, Dec. 04, 2008: Medical Update

I went for chemotherapy, this morning; however, my blood platelet count (clotting ability) was too low, due to the effects of the combined chemo and radiation treatments. So, chemotherapy has been put on hold until Thursday next week, at which time they will see if my platelet count is back up enough to resume treatment. I don't know how this may affect the original finish date for my treatments. I was scheduled to finish on December 30, with weekends and one day for Christmas, off.

Radiation therapy went well. I continue to feel reasonably well, in spite of minor abdominal pain from time to time and some difficulty being able to sleep comfortably on my back, at night. We'll just continue to trust the Great Physician to work things out for our good and His glory!

Wednesday, Dec. 03, 2008: Medical Update

This morning, I had my 10th of 28 radiation treatments. The radiation oncology doctor tells me that, regardless of the effectiveness of these treatments, there won’t be anymore due to the sensitive location of the tumor, among vital organs. He said, even using the best treatment plan he can devise, one of my kidneys is still having to be hit with the
x-rays. The good news is that I have a second kidney that can compensate for any reduced functionality of the other. Most days I experience some pain for a few hours following each treatment; however, it’s not major.

Tomorrow, Thursday, I’ll have the 3rd weekly chemotherapy treatment. The doctors have been warning me of impending nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea that is likely to occur, and gave me medications to counteract those issues, if they occur. Thankfully, the ill side effects have been at a bare minimum, almost nil!

Marvelous Grace, Friday, November 21, 2008

Today, I met Sam, an employee at the VA. He took the time to share with me about his wife’s ordeal, having to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy. We had a certain comradery, due to the fact that we both, in times previous, had served in Special Forces, in different parts of the world. But, the greatest blessing of all was when he handed me his card, the back of which read:

“GOD died for your SOUL…a VETERAN died for your FREEDOM>>>Have you said thank you to either ONE? …”

What a joy it is, to cross paths with members of the family of God, and to find the fellowship of “home” while away from home!

As I have said at various times previously, I have never experienced more of God’s love and grace, in this time of trial, than at any previous time in my life’s experience. It has been profusely revealed to me, by the Lord, through His people (love, generosity, encouragement, prayers, fellowship, etc, etc.). It has been a most humbling experience. My heart is full of gratitude and thanksgiving. Surely, my cup is running over! (Ps. 23)

I feel that I can very strongly identify with the testimony of Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12. The Lord has graciously allowed me to, “glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Cor 12:9-10, KJV)
__________________________________________

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?
(“Grace Greater Than Our Sin” Words: Julia H. Johnston)

Thursday, 11/20/2008 Medical Update

I had my first radiation therapy treatment yesterday afternoon. It went well. ...took about five minutes, once I got on the table. I experienced some pain and discomfort during the night and had difficulty sleeping. I had my first one day per week chemotherapy treatment this morning, about 9:00 a.m. It went well. So far, no symptomatic side effects. I got signed up to work out in the hospital rehab center to help me in an effort to maintain good physical health. I haven't tried it, yet. I need to get some proper attire, while home, this coming weekend. Blessings!

2 Tim 1:12 ...for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. (KJV)

November 19, 2008 Update

I checked into the hospital, yesterday, and was given an outpatient room on the 9th floor. I begin radiation therapy, today, at 1:30 p.m. The chemo treatment plan has been changed to one day per week for the duration of the daily radiation therapy. Originally they were going to do chemo the 1st three days of radiation and then the last three days of radiation. Chemo starts tomorrow, between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m.

According to the schedule they gave me, this morning, I'll be here until December 30th. I'll get to come home on weekends and holidays.

I have access to the internet, in the hospital library, 1 hour per day. I'll try to update as often as I can. Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll add a post regarding spiritual issues. Stay tuned! And thanks for your encouragement and prayers! Blessings!

Nov. 9, 2008 Medical Update

Last Monday, Nov. 3 I had a Pett Scan done to search for the presence of any other tumors in my body. Wednesday, the report was that the scan showed that the only tumor present, is the one in my pancreas. Praise the Lord! The chemotherapy oncologist said that on whatever day I began radiation therapy, they would also start me on chemotherapy. It consists of three days of treatment with a drug called 5-FU. At the end of the radiation therapy, the 5-FU treatment would be resumed, to coincide with the last three days of radiation. There will then be a waiting time for healing and recovery, then more chemotherapy treatment with a drug called gemcitabine, given one day per week. The radiation treatment is to last approximately five to six weeks, five days per week. I'll get to come home on weekends and holidays. During the process, I will stay at the VA Hospital, in Dallas, on the 9th floor. They will not allow my wife (Schelia) to stay with me, while there.

Friday, I went to see the radiation oncologist, underwent another CT Scan in order to be tattooed with three points of entry for the radioactive beam that will be aimed at the location of the tumor. The hope is that the radiation will stop the tumor's growth and/or cause it to shrink.

Treatment may start by Wednesday of this week and, if not this week, then next week.

The doctors keep re-emphasizing to me that these treatments cannot cure the cancer, but only possibly prolong my life for a while longer. I am thankful that the doctors, in their limited knowledge, do not have the last word on my prognosis. God has the last word, and whatever He wills, will come to pass, cancer or no cancer!

Have a blessed day!

Why me, Lord?

"Why me, Lord?" was one of the first thoughts that entered my mind upon recieving the diagnosis that I was terminal. The thought that immediately followed was, "I deserve every negative experience, every bad thing, that may come my way, and much much more. But, I have a glorious God who has chosen not to give me everything I deserve. Instead, He has given me mercy and grace through His son, Jesus."


No Christian is exempt from trials and tribulations in their experience in this world. After all, we're on the battle field, the battle between good and evil. Satan is still roaming the earth, as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour! However, praise God! his days are numbered.

There's no doubt in my mind that the Lord is still on His throne, ruling and reigning, according to His good pleasure. He is in complete control of my circumstances. He knows what He is doing. I'm not always able to track Him, and when I can't track Him, I trust Him. He has graciously given me peace, regarding my health, whatever the outcome may be. In the meantime, with His help, I want to lift up His name, so that He can draw all men unto Himself!

Ro 8:28-9:1
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (KJV)

Why this blog title?

In a nutshell, in 1975, on the first birthday of our daughter, at the age of 26, almighty God dealt with me in such a way that I could not resist calling upon the Lord Jesus for forgiveness of sins and eternal salvation. At the time, I was a severe introvert. I didn't like crowds, and I found it extremely difficult to build relationships with strangers. As the Lord dealt with me during the invitation time, in a Sunday morning church service, I informed God that I would rather burn in a devil's hell than make a public confession of being a sinner in need of God's mercy and grace. The Lord quickly gave me a mental picture of the thing that I would most fear in the experience of hell. The picture was not of suffering in hell's fire, but one of total darkness with myself floating aimlessly in the midst of it all, terribly alone, and isolated from all things. God then reminded me of the time when as a young boy, I was questioning the existence of God. I assumed that He did exist and that He was a "good" God. I further assumed that when life got unbearable, He would hear my cries and come to my rescue. However, if I chose hell, rather than His mercy and grace, in the name of His Son, when I could not stand the darkness, and absolute isolation any longer, if I called on Him to rescue me from it all, He would never come to my aid. I would even be eternally separated from Him! That Sunday, is the day I experienced my "Escape, from the dark side of nowhere." I humbled myself in the presence of God and man, and by faith, recieved forgiveness of sins, and an eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, His Son.